Like a quasar . . .

Nomads, we were back then.
     And I was helpless.

Despondent calls were made.
     Calls I didn’t want to make,
          but I had no choice.

No help, total indifference. 
They made me feel two inches small,
when I needed to feel ten feet tall. 

                    Unforgiveable.

The times were
disarming,
disillusive.

     Discouragement reigned. 

If any one of those to whom I turned,
ever turn to me for help,
I will shut the door in their face,
slam the phone down,
and 
feel absolutely nothing for them. 

Nothing.
 

         My prime choice

                            from the platter of just desserts. 

quasar - 
I am, and … I was 

Utilize minds.

Equalize conflicts.

Sensitize emotions.

Civilize manners.

Exorcize demons.

Poetize dreams.

Finalize deals.

Eulogize losses.

Neutralize fears.

Prioritize lives.

Energize spirits.

Realize truths.

quasar -
I am, and … I was 

I don’t like complicated.

I am happiest with elegant simplicity. 

quasar -
I am, and … I was 

Humans are programmed from the beginning of their lives to need and be with other people. 

There’s an unfortunate mass mindset promulgating the idea that if you don’t have a large family, a huge circle of friends, a constant partner, and active social life, you’re just one step away from being identified on the evening news as the village loner, psycho nutcase.

Those who’ve evolved and paid attention to life’s lessons know that “in love” simply does not exist, that sex is neither necessary nor conducive to productivity and creativity, that family is not always family, that being with the crowd is often the loneliest place of all, and that personal self-esteem does not, cannot come from anyone but you, from anywhere but within. You need not live in a cave, shut away from civilization, but proper perspective is the key - knowing worth versus worthless.

Elwood P. Dowd, a contented, happy, kind, and oh-so-gentle soul, much preferred the (invisible to the viewer) companionship of “Harvey” to that of the human variety … if you’ve never seen the wonderful, classic James Stewart film, I suggest you get a copy immediately and watch it from the beginning to the perfect and touching ending. If you’ve seen it and you’re a 3-E, (that’s an eccentric, evolved empath), then you know …

Elwood talks about being in a bar and a crowd of people being drawn to him and how they proceed to talk about their lives, their hopes and regrets, their loves and hates … and then he introduces them to Harvey who, says Elwood, is “bigger and grander than anything they offer me” … and then the people leave, impressed, but they seldom come back …

Without actually saying so, Elwood recognized the fickle and selfish nature of people, and to him, Harvey, be he real or a figment, was the one constant, loyal figure in his life, whose company he preferred to any others. 

This world needs more Elwood P. Dowds.

quasar - 
I am, and … I was 

Neuropsychologist David Weeks, in his book, ”Eccentrics: A Study of Sanity and Strangeness”, lists 15 qualities, the possession of at least 10 of which qualifies one as an eccentric. 

Dr. Weeks says eccentric people “have these happy obsessive preoccupations, and a wonderful, unusual sense of humor, and this gives them a significant meaning in life. And they are far healthier than most people because of that.”

Every quality on his list fits me perfectly … except #15, (I actually won a spelling bee in the second grade, the prize was a 1923 silver dollar which I still have, and to this day, I’m a stickler for spelling and hate it when I make the occasional error), and (sometimes) half of #11.

See how you rate as an eccentric: 

1   Nonconforming
2.  Creative
3.  Strongly motivated by curiosity
4.  Idealistic (wanting to make the world a better place) 
5.  Happily obsessed with one or as many as six hobbies
6.  Aware from early childhood of being different
7.  Intelligent, opinionated, and outspoken
8.  Convinced that you are right and the rest of the world is wrong
9.  Non-competitive (not in need of reassurance or reinforcement from society)
10. Unusual in eating habits or living arrangements
11. Not particularly interested in the opinions or company of other people except to convert them to your point of view
12. Possessing a mischievous sense of humor
13. Single
14. Eldest or only child
15. A bad speller 

 

quasar -
I am, and … I was 

Huguette Clark, who passed away last year at the age of 104, was the daughter of a disgraced former U.S. senator, a man who made a fortune from Montana copper mines, and upon his death, Huguette inherited millions.

From the time she was born, she lived an extraordinarily wealthy, privileged existence, and for the first half of her life, would become active in society, the opera, parties, and traveling. During her teen years, both her sister and father died, and at the age of 22, she married a law student, but divorced only two years later. After that divorce in 1930, Huguette spent all her time with her mother, who died in 1963, and from that point, details are sketchy about her life.

What is known is that she slipped further and further into a solitary, secluded life, distrustful of people, and eventually would spend the last 22 years of her life hidden away, living in a hospital, even though she wasn’t sick, while her three magnificent residences sat empty, but were meticulously and immaculately maintained per her personal, handwritten orders: a $100 million estate on the Pacific Coast in Santa Barbara, which she had not visited in 50 years; a $24 million country house in Connecticut; and a $100 million co-op, the largest apartment on Fifth Avenue overlooking Central Park. 

During a half-century, only a handful of caretakers were allowed inside her private world, and no one knows why she became so obsessively reclusive. By all accounts, she was a kind and generous person, but certainly no one in her position could ever have fully understood the “real world”  because she never, not one day in her life, had to work or worry about money or material security. 

One caretaker’s duties were basically threefold: She would make Huguette’s lunch every day, usually crackers with sardines from a can; she would look after her large collection of French dolls, carefully washing and ironing their clothes and would run out to buy new baby dolls as soon as they became available at FAO Schwarz; and she managed the recording of TV shows for Huguette to watch. During one period, according to the caretaker’s granddaughter, she had to not only record, but also transcribe, every word of every episode of “The Flintstones.”

For whatever reasons, fear, sadness, lack of personal confidence, a feeling of not fitting in with others, or perhaps just her nature, Huguette Clark retreated into her own private, quiet, apparently satisfying … and innocently childlike world. 

Most human beings, once grown, lose their innocence.

I believe the total loss of innocence is not only sad, but part of the root cause of the dysfunction, degradation, and unhappiness in modern-day society. 

Perhaps not so much anymore, but there was a time, I think, when children were indeed innocent, unspoiled, hopeful. I may have been more innocent than most, certainly more naive, but I dreamt dreams and believed they would come true. Of course, not all of them have or ever will, but that innocence carried over into my adulthood, and I’ve found that as long as I balance it with intelligence, common sense, and reality, it’s what has gotten me through some very tough times.

Now I don’t advocate that anyone lose touch with reality, completely hide away from the world and live in a hospital, but wouldn’t it be great if people could learn the fine art of growing up to be smart, sensible adults, all the while maintaining a childlike sense of wonder, hope, and belief? 

I am in awe of something every single day …

I look deep into the eyes of my furry best friend and tell him how much I love him, I am absolutely passionate about my art and marvel at works created by others, I appreciate nature as I study a flower petal or marvel at the moon and a black night sky filled with stars, I write something that matters (at least to me), I laugh out loud at old classic sitcoms I’ve watched a thousand times before, and I’m not one bit ashamed to watch a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

I hope you are in awe of something every day … if you’re not, give it a try.

And more than anything, never completely lose the childlike part of yourself -
if you already have, go find the innocent you and never let go … step outside tonight and be amazed by the sky, be silly and laugh out loud at something that may not even be that funny, start a collection of something beautiful and wonderful, get a hobby that pulls you in and makes you forget about work and bills and family problems … be and live as your inner child, believe, dream. 

And every now and again, go watch the Flintstones.  

quasar -
I am, and … I was

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